“Music is love in search of a word.” Sidonie Gabrielle

2005

“When people hear good music, it makes them homesick for something they never had, and never will have.” Edgar Watson Howe

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible,is music." Aldous Huxley

Today is the second day I tried making marble paper and failed. This time I tried the dropping a 2 part water two part acrylic paint mixture dropped onto liquid fabric softener. I couldn't keep the paint mixture mixed so it kept separating, and it didn't suspend over the fabric softener the way I had hoped. I think next time I try making marble paper, I will just do it with the real way and not the homemade way.


The clean up was pretty, though.


I tried my hand at drawing today, and it looked like a 10 year old did it. Oh, well. Perhaps I'll take some classes and work on that. I think I have a good eye for abstracts, though.

"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself." Abraham Maslow

Lately I have been more creative than I have been in months, or even years.

James wakes up with funny hair:


This creativity has come out in music, photography, but mostly I just want to paint. I have all these ideas for watercolors, and here are the results of practicing some techniques so I know what I'm doing when I finally get in front of that canvas. Keep in mind, I used pearlescent water colors, and will be using regular for my larger pieces.

I'm getting so hooked that I think I might even minor in fine art, not because I think I am particularly talented, but because it would give me some real satisfaction.

And I have tried to make marble paper, like this that I did in high school

using a technique I found online with food coloring and shaving cream. Found here:http://www.homemademamas.net/2009/09/marbled-paper.htm
They turned out horribly, but I realized my mistake and will be trying this again in a couple weeks. Here's how mine turned out. I used the only music I had around. Music paper, how funny.

“My life's a living legacy to the leader of the band” Dan Fogelberg

I am now obsessed with photoshop, just like I was sophomore year of high school. There was a period where I was boycotting the digital picture scene, since it seemed to make everyone believe they are great photographers, and there seemed to be a decline of actual skill and lab knowledge. Then I got a digital camera and all that thinking has changed, I'm bummed that photography has grown to be a rather competitive field considering that I am not one for competition, but I still love it. And I have learned something... the fact that there are no good photographers just good editors rings so true. There are few film pictures out there that haven't been burned, dodged and cropped(not to mention colored lenses.) Heck, people even have layered negatives to make photographs. So, what makes photoshop any different?

So here are a few things I have done in photoshop lately.



The first two are from beach day yesterday with Ricky's family.

I have been upset about my Grandpa's death, and a month later I think I am ready to talk about it. I felt really close to him, and of all his grandkids, I think I am the only one to get to know him as well as I did because I was fortunate to live so close. When I lived with them in Tacoma for three months, he used to walk me to and from school every day, he made me a fridge box house to play in, he let me watch him in his work shop, and he put up with my kitty and the endless amounts of wildflowers I picked and placed in drinking glasses all around the house. I will miss him terribly, but I know that he is free from pain. At 87 I know he lived a good life, and I hope that one day I will be worthy to be considered part of his legacy.

As part of my way to honor his memory, I will get off my butt and start working hard. He was known for his work ethic. I will lose the x number of lbs I gained being sad, and I will create art.

Speaking of art, I love painting. I am not a very good painter, I can't really do realism. However, I think I may have found my niche. I think my latest abstract work is really awesome. What do you think?

"Music is a safe kind of high" - Jimi Hendrix

It is my favorite time of year. Baby geese! Goslings! Ricky and I took James to the pond to see the little babies and he just loved it. So stinking cute! I wish he could walk so he could have enjoyed the park more.

“Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.” John Milton

Picture post.

"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up." -Pablo Picasso

All parents out there, I have a question. Are you having the same difficulties that I am knowing who you are outside being "mommy" or "daddy"? When you're a child there is such a clear definition, you're not someone's baby, you're just you.

But now who am I? All I know in this world at the moment is my son, not saying that's a terrible thing. But what happens when he goes to school? For seven hours do I fall into an abyss and disappear, only to return when my little guy comes home?

How do you balance being a parent with being a normal human being? I wish life gave more simple answers. I have hardly touched my hair, I never put on make up anymore. What happened to the old me?






On another note, looks as though I will be able to return to school again next fall. I think I am going to put school on hold for another year or so, though so I can get a part time job and ease myself into a life where I spend more than a couple hours a week away from James.

“Music and rhythm find their way into the secret places of the soul” Plato

We, as a family, were sick for the last week and a half. James is a little snot machine still, and I have yet to lose my cough. Ricky barely got sick at all, but then again, he was the only one of us that can use cold medicine.

"All of us contain Music & Truth, but most of us can't get it out." Mark Twain

I thought I'd post about our Mark Twain night at the library. It was actually pretty boring, I enjoyed the biography part... but the whole thing was geared toward children and James is much too little, and was much too grumpy for that.

But, here's to you Samuel L. Clemens! Or should I say Mark Twain, Thomas Jefferson Snodgrass, W. Epaminandos Adrastus, Blab, Sergeant Fathom, Josh.

"Music should strike fire from the heart of man, and bring tears form the eyes of woman." Ludwig van Beethoven

James is hilarious. I was putting his clothes away, and he pulled a laundry basket half full of folded clothes on top of him and then started giggling. Ha ha, oh baby.

"Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music" Ronald Reagan

My sweet baby got a hair cut today! I was pretty proud of him, He didn't cry too much.


















My birthday is next month and here is what I am considering doing (I am buying this magazine tomorrow, so I don't feel so bad for having stolen this image.)










Ricky and I are starting the Insanity workouts. I just got my booty beaten in the fitness test. It is so much harder than expected, but we are going to do this every night no matter what. Besides, seeing Ricky sweat is so sexy! Ha ha.

"If music be the food of love, play on." Shakespere

This recipe makes way too much chili for two people with good appetites, so families will have plenty. We actually have so much, that we are freezing the left overs. We are so sick of chili now, well, until tomorrow at least.

No pictures because both my and Ricky's cameras were out of batteries.

Yummy Ground Turkey Chili
1 Tbs olive oil
2 lbs ground turkey
1 cup chopped onion (I use frozen so I don't get all weepy)
1 tbs minced garlic (use 2 cloves if from fresh)
1 28 oz can diced tomatoes
1 4 oz can green chilis
1 16 oz can kidney beans
1 diced green bell pepper
1 diced red bell pepper
1 jalepeño seeded and chopped small (fresh tastes best)
3 tsp chili powder
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp black pepper
1 tsp cayenne pepper
2 Tbs lemon juice

Heat large pan on medium, add olive oil, saute onion and garlic. Careful, garlic can burn easily. Add turkey. Cook until brown. Drain fat. Add tomatoes and kidney beans, do not drain, add peppers and seasonings. Stir to combine. Bring to boil, then cover and let simmer on low for 40 minutes.

To serve, add optional sour cream, green onions, and fritos. If serving to young ones, lower the amount of cayenne and chili powder, and omit the green chilis. The jalepeño really makes the chili, so that's your call. Enjoy!

"Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul." -Unkn

I can't help it. I keep fretting about how James is growing and the more mobile he is, the less he wants to be in my arms and it's a little heartbreaking. I love my little bug and I want to be there for every moment because it's so true what they say: "They're only young once."

James, by all means, keep growing, but promise me that you will always come to your momma and tell her you love her and give her a big hug! In return I promise I will say "no no!" less often, and cherish these moments while you are a baby to the fullest of my capabilities.

"da da duh da da" -Ricky Lopez

Life has been pretty stagnant lately. We have been looking for a new place to live since Ricky has gotten a new job within his company that pays a little more an hour, something with a better lay out and perhaps a bit more room. We can't make a noise louder than a whisper with out James waking up.

I don't know for sure how I created this monster, but James is a pain to get to sleep at night. It's been really hard to have the strength to not bring him into bed with me. We regularly wake up two or three time a night to pat James back to sleep (of course we don't pick him up) and in the two LONG weeks we've been trying this he has only slept through the night three times. It's exhausting. I wish we had been strong from the start and always had him sleep in his crib.

James is such a big boy now! He has been sitting up for a while, he is so near a crawl it's driving me crazy. He has his own high chair now and he has been eating three "meals" a day. He says "mama" and "dada" but of course, he doesn't quite know what he means yet. He laughs a lot, and he's also really crabby sometimes. All and all, I am so very proud of him. I just can't believe how fast he's growing. When they say that kids "grow up so fast" they really aren't kidding.

I starting singing a song for him tonight. What do you think of the lyrics?

You are my baby boy
Sent from Heaven above
There are no mistakes in life
Just ways to give our love.

So welcome to the world
My handsome little James
Life can get scary at times
I'll hold your hand all the way.

I'm sorry I seem all over the place, I am so excited to be posting at this moment.

I am looking for a job. But I'm not sure if I want to work full time, and put James in day care, or just find a day care job. I know that the second option will be really hard to come by but the thought of putting James in day care scares the pants off of me. I'm sure he's old enough and mature enough, but am I ready? I also want to go to school. I now know for sure what I want to be. Ultrasound tech. It'll be hard to even get into the school, but I think I am going to go for it. I just need to find some guts to make it happen and manage at the same time not to ruin James' life.

Pictures follow.






Didn't think it would happen, but my blog, like my life, has become about James.

About me, I found out that I am most likely dyslectic. I've looked up some signs and I meet them. It would explain my trouble reading in early life. It also makes me feel a little bit better about how awful I am at reading aloud.I am obsessed with a show called My Life as Liz. Pretty silly, but I like it anyhow. I am definitely gluten intolerant and I have been symptom free since I stopped eating gluten for New Years. Occasionally I will accidentally ingest a little and I then feel awful for days.I also do have issues with lactose, as I thought before, so I am taking steps to take it out of my life. The hardest struggle with that will be living without my nachos. With these dietary changes and a few minutes of added exercise I have lost some weight. I still have many pounds of "baby weight" to lose and some past that, but I'm feeling much better about myself now.

G'night.

What the heck- twice in one day after months of not speaking a word? Why not.

Too much of a good thing. Have you ever been in a bubble bath, in a hot steamy jetted tub while your baby is sleeping? Sounds perfect right? Not exactly. Half way through I wanted the bubbles to go away, but they just kept coming. I tried to squish them away, but that seemed to do nothing. Then the jets got annoying and I knew they were the cause of bubble over load, so I turned them off and tried bubble squishing some more to no avail. Then I got too hot, I felt and looked like a steamed lobster. So, I got out and here am I, typing away and I want to wake up James because I miss him SO much. That's how I feel about this entire St. George trip Ricky took us on. Of course I'd rather be with him than with out him, but I kind of feel like I am doing the same things that I do at home, only it's more stressful. James isn't getting any sleep and his perfect schedule will be thrown off (Perfect= wakes up at 9 am, dad takes him for an hour so I can get some "mommy time" sleeping in bed, he goes down for a nap at 4 and wakes up at 6:30 or 7, just when my 3 episodes of my newest show addiction Grey's Anatomy are over, then back to bed at midnight, usually after dad gets home so they can say their goodnights,) I am a nervous wreck because I have to worry about finding how to feed him when we're out with out using the can of formula we brought in case of emergency, we probably over packed which means Sunday getting repacked will be a horror. I want to be home, with my sleepy baby cuddling. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be here with Ricky than have him be miles away. I just hate being a bundle of nerves.

Sorry, finished the rant. Thanks for hearing me out. Here's a couple more pictures.