But now who am I? All I know in this world at the moment is my son, not saying that's a terrible thing. But what happens when he goes to school? For seven hours do I fall into an abyss and disappear, only to return when my little guy comes home?
How do you balance being a parent with being a normal human being? I wish life gave more simple answers. I have hardly touched my hair, I never put on make up anymore. What happened to the old me?
On another note, looks as though I will be able to return to school again next fall. I think I am going to put school on hold for another year or so, though so I can get a part time job and ease myself into a life where I spend more than a couple hours a week away from James.
1 comment:
I am no mother, but I have 16 nieces and nephews so I hear this from my 5 older siblings quite often. I know one of my older sisters has struggled with this a lot. She has 4 kids. Her oldest is in 2nd grade and her youngest is like 1.5 years old. She just about had a nervous breakdown when she sent her son to school for the first time. And then her second son went to school and it was a little easier for her.
She is a stay-at-home mother and her husband works full time so her kids have (literally) become her identity. Sometimes she gets frustrated. I know she craves adult companionship sometimes, someone to talk to who she can talk to like a normal human being, but I also know she struggles with the issue of who she is outside of her motherhood roll.
I think she's come to a somewhat tentative limbo within herself. It's okay to identify yourself as a mother. That's who you are. I don't think it's a bad thing to be child obsessed. That's your flesh and blood. My sister lost her cool over this issue with her husband once and now they have three times a week where Cory takes all the kids so Katie can do something alone. That has helped my sister's sanity immensely and even I can tell that she's mentally more level than she was before. Those few days, those few hours alone have helped ground her in "herself."
I'm not sure if that helps, that's just an observation of mine...
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